Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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