how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
