You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
