You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
