At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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