I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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