i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
