i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
