Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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