You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
