saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
