I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
