textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
