well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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