i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
