Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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