Soap is not a condiment
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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