I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
