chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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