I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
