Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
