I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
