just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
