Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
