Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
