im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
