After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
