maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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