I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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