I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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