I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
