bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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