I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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