So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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