I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no you cant smoke seaweed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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