I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Randomize
