ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's always time for handjobs
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
