Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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