Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We are two peas in an std pod
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
