if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
