thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
