Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
