i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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