she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
