just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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