God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
