Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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