dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
