Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
