just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
