This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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