It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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