when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
